The Chinatown is buzzling with crowds, and Christmas songs are in the air. In Suria KLCC, in my tiny hotel, I am alone and I feel lost. I am in the crowd and I am invisible. I am in the noisy street but my heart stays in silence.
It feels really different to walk on the same street when I am alone and when I am in love. It feels less exciting to see things around when I am accompanied and when I am alone. Maybe, it's the time for me to learn; exploring the spaces in loneliness, with none to talk to, with ideas that only can be spoken through the mails, or in my MS words files.
It's a bit torturing here. The fake glam brands sold in the street market look like me. Shining in fake states, pretty but empty.
I wanna run away to the Backpaker's Reggae Bar an melt in the fun in my sneakers and in my oh-so casual outfits. But I know I'll still feel lonely.
I wanna grab my pretty little black dress and hop in cozy clubs. But I know there is no love for me there.
So I will be here. Sitting in my windowless room, imagining that out there, there might be some people walking as lonely as I am, in the midst of couples in love, and the scent of Char Kwe Tiaw or mee Hokkien.
KL, almost Christmas.
It's the third time that I am here, and I feel so lost...